The Unwritten Rules of Social RelationshipsBook - 2005
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p.365 ASD folks are no strangers to anger. They have lots of reasons to grow up into angry teens and angrier young adults. Put yourself in their place. Imagine yourself being teased, constantly misunderstood, abused in the name of therapy and often genuinely confused and overwhelmed by it all - not just a few times, but hundreds, if not thousands of times. It is no wonder that I know many adults with ASD who are literally paralyzed by their anger.
p.313 He may have been eccentric [in how he dressed], but he wasn't sloppy. That's the difference in whether your appearance helps you fit in or not as an adult.
p.270 Temple often refers to herself as an actor in a play, and that analogy pretty much illustrates Rule #7: people "act" - they change their behavior in ways that conform to the public setting in which they find themselves. When Temple is alone at home she understands she no longer has to "act" - she can do pretty much whatever she wants within the confines of her personal space. She is by herself; the space is "private". However, when she steps outside her home or other people join her in her home, she has to once again become the actor because her space has become "public."
p.151 Helping children "get into their head" different and varied ways of categorizing objects is the first step in developing flexible thinking. Alongside this is exposing children to change, starting at a young age. Structure is good for children with autism, but sometimes plans can, and need to be, changed. When I was little, my nanny made me and my sister do a variety of activities. This variety prevented rigid behavior patterns from forming. I became more accustomed to changes in our daily or weekly routines and learned that I could still manage when change occurred. Without that variety, my rigid thinking would have prevailed. It's an unwritten rules of social relationships, and of life itself: change is inevitable.
p.138 The nastiest set of hidden social rules for me were the ones that directly contravened the rules that were formally taught. Some teachers would, for example, tell the class repeatedly that there was no talking, when in reality there were strange and intricate rules about those times during school when one could get away with talking softly or passing notes quietly as long as you didn't disturb others.” ..... "Why trust or believe a teacher who is so dumb as to be either unable to comprehend their own rule sheet, or who is unaware of blatant violations?"
p.63 Not surprisingly, I was reprimanded a lot by my first- and second-grade teachers. Both probably thought I was testing their patience, but neither could make the distinction between willful misbehavior and my inability to follow directions. Exacerbating this situation was the fact that I had great difficulty concentrating for any length of time and found it excruciating to sit for long periods.
Even Star Trek offered a code of ethics built on personal responsibility and concern for our fellow man. I really loved the original Star Trek series because each show contained an answer to a moral dilemma that was tackled with total logic. Mr. Spock was my favorite character because he was so logical. Everywhere I went the message was consistent and clear: certain behaviors were socially acceptable and other behaviors were not. Today, children with ASD are growing up watching television shows like Survivor, where using tactics like lying, cheating and doing whatever it takes to "win" - whether or not it is ethical or moral - is rewarded with a million dollars.
p.42 The needs of really high-functioning AS kids, because they're straight-A students, are overlooked. No one even considers that they need services or help in understanding social interactions.
p.27 However, once they succeed, they must be careful to avoid being promoted from a technical position that they can handle well to a management position that they cannot handle....Once they were required to interact socially as part of their management position, their performance suffered.
p.26 I cannot emphasize enough the importance of finding and then developing a talent area in children with ASD that can be turned into a viable profession such as drafting, commercial art, custom cabinetwork, fixing cars or computer programming. These efforts provide an opportunity for a person to have an intellectually satisfying career. My life would not be worth living if I did not have intellectually satisfying work. My career is my life. Sometimes professionals working with people with autism become so concerned about the person's social life that developing intellectually satisfying employment skills is neglected.
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